The Promise

I've always believed...
That when two bodies unite
--unwanted or desired--
in passionate kiss
in tender touch
in fiery embrace
Oh! The promise is made!
No need to verbalize
for the soul unites...
and seals both for eternity.

This is why I've always believed...
one will feel the other
despite the distance
despite the separation

Both are now bound
in pain and sorrow
in love and joy.

So when one is rejected
or when misses the other
all one needs to do is
close one's eyes and think of the other
and send a call to the universe from one's heart
surely the other will feel
even for a moment
the other that calls...

Through this video, my thoughts are visualized,
Hopefully, the promise may better be understood
and be appreciated for what it actually signifies...

Road Flare

I raise my hands up in the air
I invoke to the wind in full confidence,
"Happiness will find me! Love and laughter will fill my life. I know you, my true destiny, will come to me!"

Just as a road flare would light up the night sky...
A signal of hope...
A call for good things to come.

No hesitations. No doubts.
I take the leap of faith!
My God will provide!

Unearthing

It has been a while since I've delved into me.

Yet the Lord, in my journaling, calls me, "My little ruby!"

Like, hey, I never saw me as anything valuable than a gem stone, what more a ruby? Who wouldn't, considering the so many traumatic experiences I've had--experiences that have robbed me of my identity.

When I went home last night after a lengthy discussion with a very wise man of God, I again was brought back to the need to perceive me as who I am--not as how I or the world looks at me but how my Creator sees me.

Why does He call me "ruby" in the first place?

Curious, I found myself up at 5 in the morning at an internet cafe shop a jeepney ride away from home to discover the gem in me.

The Net says that a "Ruby symbolizes love, vivacity, passion and power...considered to be the most valuable and precious gemstones ever existed...in Sanskrit is known as ‘Ratnaraj’ which means ‘king of the gemstones’". Its "fiery color...symbolizes devotion and desire, a symbol of love and immortality...are created like, ‘flame fusion’, ‘pulling process’ and ‘hydrothermal process’."

Reading these, I just can't help but smile.

The Lord, who loves me so, took a shovel and decided to help me unearth me. Resonating my value in how people perceive me and in how I've beautifully survived one tragedy after another, He shows me the "ruby" I really am. His little ruby that gives Him glory! No wonder people tell me I'm strong!

Thank you, Lord, for trusting me to be the little ruby on your cloak! Please continue to polish me into who I'm meant to be! Help me shine the love you endowed me to those you send my way--especially to those who've hurt me! Solo Gloria Deo!

Deus Caritas, Lux Christi!

I know you (my friends) are probably wondering what the hell's happening with me?!

It's not easy to explain. I mean, in all practicality, "how could one possibly love another who've hurt one's very dignity and essence?" would probably be the first thought running in your head seeing me glow in happiness like this. And note, in loving glow! Haha!

But the thing is, Grace has arrived. Our Lady of the Miraculous Medal has lobbied my prayers, changing me in the process! Thank you Mama Mary! Praise be My God who loves me so much!

To put it simply, here's a poem by Genevieve Glen, O.S.B. from the 2011 WYD Pilgrim's Booklet that perfectly explains what I'm feeling and experiencing for the last 6 days...

Love that bears another's burden,
Love that shares another's pain,
Love that heeds another's struggle,
Love that seeks another's gain:
Love like this reveals Christ Jesus
As the Law that will remain.


Love that hears another's weeping,
Love that dries another's tears,
Love that spares another's sorrow,
Love that calms another's fears:
Love like this reveals Christ Jesus
As God's mercy down the years.


Love that offers first forgiveness,
Love that soon forgets a wrong,
Love that laughs in all rejoicing,
Love that sings in ev'ry song:
Love like this reveals Christ Jesus
As the Heart where we belong

I'm experiencing the Love of God as I bask in the Light of Christ!

May His Light, through His Passion on the Cross, lead me throughout the rest of my days...
Crux Sacra Sit Mihi Lu!

Awakened By Grace

I woke up last Sunday on a debate mode against myself. It was, so I decided, time to face my own shadow who I actually grew tired of following me around.

From Madrid and back, I have been praying for the grace to forgive those who have caused me terrible pain. A pain that have catapulted almost a month back to hatred for priests and consecrated men--a stigma healed through the grace of World Youth Day.

There I was, in the shower, verbalizing what happened to me in pure objectivity that seemed not mine but entirely God's wisdom being poured on me. A previous' day's prayer to see what happened to me through God's eyes was being answered at that very particular time.

It's as if dark clouds were peeled off from above me and I came to view what transpired in the light that the injustice inflicted on me--a being created in the image and likeness of God--can never be repaid, no matter what the perpetrators do! That it is in my power, despite of them showing no remorse nor sign of repentance, to release them of their indebtness.

Yet, having been given the grace to preview what was to come, made me all the more powerful. Peace, my beloved Christ's presence, resonated in my heart.

I went out of the shower decided on writing off their debts for my Beloved to collect...

Stricken

As I walked along the deserted path lined-up with century-old Narra and Ipil-Ipil trees rooted in the vast greenery of the Sacred Heart Novitiate in Lagro during lunch time today, enjoying the cool air brought by the light drizzle as I hid under my green umbrella, I couldn't help but reflect on what has transpired over the last 10 days of my life...

Hard to digest, extremely painful, extraordinarily stressful, wicked are but some of the words to describe it. Surreal, you might say. But factually tragic.

Yet, here I am in this secluded place whose landscape was very conducive to a mini retreat as posts depicting the Stations of The Cross greet me one after the other. I was mortally alone.

Mortally, yes. But not entirely. God was with me. Touring me for a moment to enjoy the great beauty of His creation--oh but to refresh me! Yes, refresh me! I deserved it after all.

He made me stop awhile before a post whose image depicts Himself fallen to the ground, carrying the cross partly on his shoulders as another man stood behind him, sharing his suffering. It was the Fifth Station: Simon of Cyrene Carries The Cross.

He whispered to me, "that's you, my love!"

Yes, I do realize that what I had just experienced was but a little taste of His Passion. That He will not allow more than I can bear nor shall He allow me to bear it alone. He always goes before me.

Then, He whispers again. "They are suffering, too." Pertaining to the people who have inflicted the terrible pain I suffered. I took a moment to pray for them that they may endure, that their hearts be filled with the courage to face the truth, and the humility to embrace their cross.

I also prayed that someday, they will understand that I did what I had to do out of obedience to the Father and out of loving like Him. Love for myself and love for them. Tough love, they say, is what it's called. A love that intends to correct another in the hope that such object of affection transcends to a person of goodness and maturity.

I also hope that someday, they'll realize that whenever we fall to sin or make a grave mistake, God will send people, like Simon of Cyrene, to help us get up and start anew--even if it means that person sent by God had to suffer as Christ did, to some extent...

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath...

It was time to move on and enjoy the scenery again.

Left Turn

Today I took a left turn
in an attempt to find a new horizon.

Though lifted as I am on
new possibilities and chances,
I realized that there
really aren't any quick fixes.

Dreams are to be planned
and quantified monetarily
to make it real.

So I cruise this new street
off to new uncertainties...

Detour

Nowhere to go
Nowhere to hide
Nowhere to scream my angst inside
Pressure here, pressure there
Stress is steaming in the air
I close my eyes
I shut the noise outside

Pit Stop

"Sometimes I wonder
Where I've been
who I am
Do I fit in?
Make believing,
this heart alone...
I am, on my own..."

Breathe, breathe, oh how much I need to breathe!
To run in flower fields, without any reservations...
Carefree...
Enjoying the silence, the nature around me...
simply enjoying me!

Oh, how much I need to breathe!
To ponder by the stream and watch the reflections of the sleepy sun
as he tucks away beyond the yonder hills of dawn...
Waiting for time to go by...
just being still and alone...
Dolce far niente!!!

The Climb

And so, my writing begins...

Dumbfounded, I find myself now, empty of words to say...

So, where does one begin, anyway?

Where has life taken me?

...Three years after that fateful day in September
when the crimson Autumn leaves
suddenly decided to fall straight on my face
like shooting stars that pinned me to the ground...
taking me, spiraling down--
into the deepest recesses of my infirmity...

...It has been one memorable sojourn
filled with sharp twists, unpredictable turns,
surprising detours, and climactic endings!

...Three years down the road,

I finally got to find

...me!

But my Climb has just began!

Dreams are still unfolding...

Recounting My First Steps

I dare not say that I have morphed fully. Partially, probably. But my quest for wholeness is unending. At the most, up to where my lifetime takes me...

After spinning furiously in a cocoon of silk, gently, slowly, rebuilding me for the three years that has gone by...I glimpse at the reflection of the butterfly that has become me...

My wings still need air to dry. It is not yet time to spread it out and flutter. No, I should not move in haste, lest they become tattered again.

So now, I wait. Tomorrow, my writing begins...